YOUR SPECIAL MAN OR LADY IS MORE IN LOVE WITH THE (WO)MAN IN THE MIRROR THAN THEY ARE WITH YOU…IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR THIS BAD ROMANCE?
By KANEISHA GRAYSON
We all know these people: they have a treasure trove of entertaining stories about their fabulous, adventurous lives. They often have larger-than-life personalities coupled with baffling displays of deep insecurity. They have extremely high demands of the people close to them, yet they often fail to keep their own promises or live up to adult responsibilities. They don’t think the rules everyone else abides by apply to them, and they feel that their “specialness” can only truly be understood by other exceptional people.
The official definition of “narcissistic personality disorder” from our friends at the Mayo Clinic is the following [emphasis added]:
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Being colleagues or close friends with a narcissist is hard enough. But what about if you’re actually in love with a narcissist? I myself have narcissistic tendencies, and can definitely point to at least one relationship where I was dating a toxic narcissist. In our “look at me, fan me, follow me” culture, it seems like everyone has a place in the spectrum of self-absorbed behavior that is narcissism. However, there’s an important difference between having narcissistic tendencies and being a toxic narcissist, someone’s whose behavior is so wildly destructive, oblivious of consequences, and inconsiderate of others’ feelings that it’s nearly impossible for them to be in an authentic relationship built on love, trust, and support.
In their book Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist, authors Steven Carter and Julia Sokol gave ample examples of relationships featuring toxic narcissists and their clueless counterparts. To help those of you who might be reluctant to come to terms with the fact that you are in love with a narcissist, here is a checklist of what dating a narcissist feels like:
• You’ll feel like you’re doing most of the “work” in the relationship.
• Your partner will do things to sabotage the relationship from moving forward—but doesn’t want to completely let you go either.
• Your partner may have a long history of troubled relationships and addictions of all kinds.
• Your partner may have recurring episodes of infidelity—which he or she somehow makes your fault.
Source : ebony.com